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Time

Time is such an odd concept to me now. The only thing I have to do is get better. I don't have to be anywhere (until 3:15 on Monday that is). I can't take care of the girls, and I am in no condition to micro manage Matt, so I don't care what time of day it is regarding meals, snacks, naps, etc. I keep forgetting what day of the week it is. And I don't forsee this changing over the next few weeks. I don't have an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Adler, until Feb 18. I have no idea how far away that even is. It's such a strange feeling.

It really hit me this morning though in a sad way. I realized it was Saturday. Saturday is my favorite day of the week usually. After working all week and being away from the girls, I love our Saturday mornings together. It's the first day we don't have to rush around and eat, get ready, get lunches packed, and get out of the house by 7:30. We hang out in our pajamas, watch cartoons, play, and decide which park we're going to attack that day. Or maybe we'll have a play date scheduled, but it's never before 9, so we still have a few hours to chill out together.

Today though, I had to listen to Matt do all of this with them while I laid in bed. Granted, I love to hear them play with Daddy and was happy that they weren't giving him a hard time. And then my wonderful mother in law came to take Reagan to a birthday party at a tea house in the City. I will never be able to express how fortunate I am to have such great in laws - who willingly (even happily) give up a big portion of their Saturday to take their granddaughter to a 5 year old birthday party. Yet I was so sad to miss it. I know that the reason I'm missing one birthday party now (actually, it's been 3) is to ensure I'm around for all of the others. But it still makes me sad that I'm missing out on all of this time with my family.

On the bright side, it's now 8 days post op, and I feel really good today. There were actually moments of the day that I had little to no pain! I think I'm definitely on the upswing!!

Comments

  1. AngelaJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    So happy that you are beginning to feel better. As time goes by you'll have more and more of these days. Your progress is a reflection of your spirit and attitude. Way to go girl! You'll be up and around and doing more and more things you love, with your beautiful daughters before you know it. Yes, time is a perplexing concept. At this stage of my life it becomes more so each day. So many things in my life seem like yesterday. Where would we be without memories? You'll have a lifetime to make so many more. Love, Auntie

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamaJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    It will get better. This is one of the stages that you have to go through and no one can tell you how hard it was going to be because they are not YOU! Yes there will be other parties -- you will plan the girls 16th birthday parties and buy prom dresses, etc. But for now you have to sit and wait to get better, that's the rough part, waiting! Keep thinking of the wonderful future you will have with them. Love Mama

    ReplyDelete
  3. Two GrohsJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    How much do I love reading these? You're inspiring and real and amazing. Love....

    ReplyDelete

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