My "Mamm"wars: Fighting to Survive Stage 4 Breast Cancer

I haven't been writing too much this year...here. But I've been busy still. My cousin started her own blog last year. Dedicated to women who have overcome...so essentially all women, since we've all overcome something. Here are my two most recent posts published on her blog. http://www.anthemexposition.com/2012/02/series-scrambled-eggs-on-my-lovehate.html http://www.anthemexposition.com/2012/05/series-lifes-beach.html

And just like that I let out a giant sigh of relief. I also feel a little silly for the panic attacks I was having over the past week. My appointment with Dr. Adler went really well. He listened to me rattle on about my panic attacks and how I don't "really" have any aches/pains/bumps/bruises that need mentioning, except when my chest hurts because I hyperventilate about my upcoming appointments with him. He very kindly patted my knee and told me that ALL of his patients are like this. He also is compassionate enough to realize that while he is a "cancer doctor," he personally has never had cancer, so he can't simply say "don't think like that" or anything. He has NO CLUE what goes through our minds...well, that's not true. Seeing as how his patients all tell him these silly thoughts, he knows very well what we are thinking. But the point is, he's extremely compassionate about it. He doesn't dismiss the feelings of panic and fear, o

After a long run of great times, feeling awesome, and really embracing my health...I've suddenly hit a brick wall. A funk settled over me a few days ago. I feel snippy, short tempered, and on the verge of tears at any second. I finally had a little sit down with myself and think I've figured out the culprit. I have an appointment with Dr. Adler on Tuesday. While I love Dr. Adler, he's still my oncologist. I have an oncologist and always will now. Even though I beat cancer, I can't shake him. I have no reason to believe that he'll have bad news for me. I didn't even have to have blood taken for this appointment. I'm seeing him simply to discuss how I'm feeling after having my ovaries out, and how I'm handling the Tamoxifen. The answer to both of those is a simple "great." Yet I feel the old anxiety creeping in. If I do too much and am tired by the afternoon I start thinking "It's back..." Even though I know that having a 5 an

2012 is starting off so good. If I hadn't just finished a year of hell, I'd probably be worried right now...but I know that we deserve this. We deserve a GOOD year. I had surgery on Jan 18th...probably the LAST surgery for a very long time. Hopefully forever. I had my ovaries out (it's called an oophorectomy..which I think is a really cool word to say). I also had my reconstruction fixed (scar revision, fix the tummy tuck, and plump up the radiated breast). It's kind of cool that my rack now consists of my belly, hips and even a little of my butt! HA. Matt is currently in Monterey at CIB school (detective school). He starts his awesome new schedule on Feb 13th! While I already miss him so much, I know that in two weeks it will be so worth it. Reagan and Charlie are just as awesome as usual. Reagan still loves Kindergarten, and Charlie loves her daycare. Reagan just signed up for TBall, so soon she will be doing gymnastics, swim, and tball...not to mention her Dais