My life feels so surreal. I have had more doctor appointments this week than I had in 2010 total. And I know this is just the beginning...
My sister in law (and great friend) Jess picked me up bright and early this morning to chauffeur me around. Our first stop was the plastic surgeon's office. Dr. Griffin was even better than I remembered from Monday. I guess it wasn't his fault that he met with us at the end of the marathon appointment session, when my focus was already lost. So today's meeting was much more informative for me, and I feel like we really have a plan. We're going to move forward with the transflap procedure. (Yes, I previously referred to it as "flanks" when in fact they are "flaps" - I rest my case in my inability to discuss anything related to medicine or science) He will take the fat from my belly and use that to reconstruct my breasts. I'm seriously shocked that I won't be walking out of there with D cups... but he still stands by the fact that they will be smaller. Boo.
We're looking at 4 to 6 week recovery time, several follow up appointments, and another surgery down the road to attach my fake origami nipples. That part still freaks me out. But then I have to bring myself back to reality... I have cancer. I will eventually have fake nipples and NO CANCER. Priorities, Melissa, priorities..
Jess and I had some time to kill between appointments, so what do girls do when they need a pick me up? Retail therapy of course! Except it felt weird for the first time in my life to shop. We walked into JCrew and I see these great t shirts called "The perfect fit." Perfect fit?! For who? I certainly don't have a perfect body (who does?!) and all I could think of was that my body was going to be even less perfect by the end of the month. What kind of t shirts will I need in the future? What am I going to be able to wear during my recovery? What size am I going to be? (I'm assuming small since apparently both my boobs and my belly will be reduced.. so that should make me happy, right?)
I realize every day how cancer is affecting every part of my life. But to affect my shopping is a new low...
But soon enough it was time for me to pop my Valium and prepare for the MRI. After all the prep work was done, and IV inserted, I climbed up onto the huge machine. Matt warned me that it would be loud. The technicians gave me earplugs and said it would sound like a jackhammer. The tech got me all set up, laying on my belly with my face in the horseshoe shaped face holder. What a mind trip that is. They make you feel like you are getting in position for a massage...and then jam you into the torture chamber. I'm not claustrophobic, but I thank God I took the Valium. When the initial scan started, I almost shot through the roof. I know they said it was going to be loud... and it's not even the noise that scared me, it was that it came on so suddenly. And when the tech told me not to breathe deeply, of course that's the only think I felt like doing. But eventually the Valium must have kicked in, because I was able to relax, and even fall asleep at one point. I hope the resulting drool doesn't affect this negatively.....
And so I'm done, for today. I realize the poking and prodding is just beginning. And I need to maintain focus that it is necessary to get me healthy. It's just hard to accept when I don't FEEL sick.
My sister in law (and great friend) Jess picked me up bright and early this morning to chauffeur me around. Our first stop was the plastic surgeon's office. Dr. Griffin was even better than I remembered from Monday. I guess it wasn't his fault that he met with us at the end of the marathon appointment session, when my focus was already lost. So today's meeting was much more informative for me, and I feel like we really have a plan. We're going to move forward with the transflap procedure. (Yes, I previously referred to it as "flanks" when in fact they are "flaps" - I rest my case in my inability to discuss anything related to medicine or science) He will take the fat from my belly and use that to reconstruct my breasts. I'm seriously shocked that I won't be walking out of there with D cups... but he still stands by the fact that they will be smaller. Boo.
We're looking at 4 to 6 week recovery time, several follow up appointments, and another surgery down the road to attach my fake origami nipples. That part still freaks me out. But then I have to bring myself back to reality... I have cancer. I will eventually have fake nipples and NO CANCER. Priorities, Melissa, priorities..
Jess and I had some time to kill between appointments, so what do girls do when they need a pick me up? Retail therapy of course! Except it felt weird for the first time in my life to shop. We walked into JCrew and I see these great t shirts called "The perfect fit." Perfect fit?! For who? I certainly don't have a perfect body (who does?!) and all I could think of was that my body was going to be even less perfect by the end of the month. What kind of t shirts will I need in the future? What am I going to be able to wear during my recovery? What size am I going to be? (I'm assuming small since apparently both my boobs and my belly will be reduced.. so that should make me happy, right?)
I realize every day how cancer is affecting every part of my life. But to affect my shopping is a new low...
But soon enough it was time for me to pop my Valium and prepare for the MRI. After all the prep work was done, and IV inserted, I climbed up onto the huge machine. Matt warned me that it would be loud. The technicians gave me earplugs and said it would sound like a jackhammer. The tech got me all set up, laying on my belly with my face in the horseshoe shaped face holder. What a mind trip that is. They make you feel like you are getting in position for a massage...and then jam you into the torture chamber. I'm not claustrophobic, but I thank God I took the Valium. When the initial scan started, I almost shot through the roof. I know they said it was going to be loud... and it's not even the noise that scared me, it was that it came on so suddenly. And when the tech told me not to breathe deeply, of course that's the only think I felt like doing. But eventually the Valium must have kicked in, because I was able to relax, and even fall asleep at one point. I hope the resulting drool doesn't affect this negatively.....
And so I'm done, for today. I realize the poking and prodding is just beginning. And I need to maintain focus that it is necessary to get me healthy. It's just hard to accept when I don't FEEL sick.
Very accurate description of the Breast MRI. I have had many(3) and Xanax is what I took before each one. Thanks for sharing Melissa. Sending you prayers and love!
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