It's been a week since I've been able to write. It feels like a year... Friday morning I would go from being eerily calm, to just a puddle of tears. We arrived at the hospital right at 6:30 along with my parents. By 7 I had been admitted, put in a hospital gown, vital signs taken, and had even met with the anesthesiologist. Around 7, Dr. Griffin came in and asked me to stand in front of him so he could "mark" me up. Seriously, this has got to stop. It is so humiliating to stand there in front of someone and show him your every flaw. But I do it, of course. And, I'm sure like most women, I suck my gut in as I'm standing there. He says "Let your belly out, Melissa." Fine. I let it out... a little. "Melissa, let it out all the way..." Fine. BAM - I let it go. Just to hear "Ahh...there we go! Yeah! We can get a lot with this! I think you'll be just as big, if not bigger, than before." I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.
I hop back up on the hospital bed not realizing it would be the last quick movement I would be able to make for a long time. Dr. Sleepy (yeah, I totally forgot his real name) came back and they started to wheel me into the OR. Apparently at this point I called Dr. Griffin, "Dr. Awesome" to his face.. I have no recollection of that and I hope he doesn't either. Once in the OR, Dr. Sleepy gave me a little orange juice and we started chatting. There was a nice mural on the wall of a beach scene. We were talking about vacations and how I want to go to Hawaii with my family when this is all over. Then, I woke up.
Literally my first thought upon waking was that I was pissed at Dr. Sleepy. That sneaky sneaky little man! But in all actuality, it's the best way it could have gone down. I didn't have time to be freaked out and think "this is it.." or anything.
I woke up to Dr. Griffin saying that everything went really well. Which was great news to hear of course. I didn't realize that it was well over 10 hours that I was in surgery though. Yikes! Needless to say I heard there was a lot of pacing going on in the waiting room.
Once in ICU, I was given a little button I could push for IV morphine. That little button became my best friend for the next 24 hours. As soon as it turned green, I would push it, fall asleep, wake up a short time later and repeat the whole cycle. The nurses told me to stay ahead of the pain, which is all I was trying to do! But apparently I took it too much to heart and they revoked my button by Saturday night.
The first night in ICU I had an amazing nurse, Anastasia. She made me feel comfortable and safe. She told me at one point that another nurse was coming in to observe the dopplers since she would be my nurse the next night and had no experience with doublay patients. This new nurse walks in, looks at the family pictures Matt put up, and says "Oh! You know George Clooney? Or is that your husband?" Oh, DEAR GOD... Don't get me wrong.. I think Matt is exceptionally handsome. But no one has EVER confused him with George Clooney. So that made me a tiny bit nervous. Sure enough, the next night she tried to put an IV in my right arm despite the two huge signs over my head that said nothing should be done on my right arm at all. Matt tends to think she has exceptional eyesight and poor judgement. I think that I could have done with an experienced nurse!
After 2 nights in ICU, I was transferred to a regular room. From there, I spent 3 more nights recovering and getting stronger every day.
The good news is that I came home yesterday, and it's true - there's no place like home! I now know what it feels like to be hit by a Mack Truck. But I also know that I made it this far. There is absolutely no way I went through this for nothing. Cancer messed with the wrong lady. I'm fired up now. The more pain I'm in, the more days that pass that I can't pick up my girls, means the more pissed and determined I get.
The bad news is that the cancer did spread to the lymph nodes.It was found in 2 of 26 lymph nodes - which makes this stage 2B. I don't have all of the pathology on the tumor back yet, but Dr. Metkus said it was small - only 1.6 cms after all.
The ugly - Well, my body is less than pretty right now. I have about 200 stitches in me and came home with 2 abdominal drains. Surprisingly, the drains aren't as bad as I thought they would be. Trust me - I don't LIKE them, and I really can't wait to be done with them. But they are here for now and I don't gag when I have to empty them twice a day.
And now, for the just plain weird... Dr. Griffin found a hernia in my stomach during surgery. He said it was small, and just over my belly button. So he pushed it in and stitched it up. I had no clue I had a hernia..but I have no clue what hernia's feel like. I sort of feel like I got a "buy one get one free" with this surgery... I'm sure Blue Shield won't feel that way when they get the bill!
I hop back up on the hospital bed not realizing it would be the last quick movement I would be able to make for a long time. Dr. Sleepy (yeah, I totally forgot his real name) came back and they started to wheel me into the OR. Apparently at this point I called Dr. Griffin, "Dr. Awesome" to his face.. I have no recollection of that and I hope he doesn't either. Once in the OR, Dr. Sleepy gave me a little orange juice and we started chatting. There was a nice mural on the wall of a beach scene. We were talking about vacations and how I want to go to Hawaii with my family when this is all over. Then, I woke up.
Literally my first thought upon waking was that I was pissed at Dr. Sleepy. That sneaky sneaky little man! But in all actuality, it's the best way it could have gone down. I didn't have time to be freaked out and think "this is it.." or anything.
I woke up to Dr. Griffin saying that everything went really well. Which was great news to hear of course. I didn't realize that it was well over 10 hours that I was in surgery though. Yikes! Needless to say I heard there was a lot of pacing going on in the waiting room.
Once in ICU, I was given a little button I could push for IV morphine. That little button became my best friend for the next 24 hours. As soon as it turned green, I would push it, fall asleep, wake up a short time later and repeat the whole cycle. The nurses told me to stay ahead of the pain, which is all I was trying to do! But apparently I took it too much to heart and they revoked my button by Saturday night.
The first night in ICU I had an amazing nurse, Anastasia. She made me feel comfortable and safe. She told me at one point that another nurse was coming in to observe the dopplers since she would be my nurse the next night and had no experience with doublay patients. This new nurse walks in, looks at the family pictures Matt put up, and says "Oh! You know George Clooney? Or is that your husband?" Oh, DEAR GOD... Don't get me wrong.. I think Matt is exceptionally handsome. But no one has EVER confused him with George Clooney. So that made me a tiny bit nervous. Sure enough, the next night she tried to put an IV in my right arm despite the two huge signs over my head that said nothing should be done on my right arm at all. Matt tends to think she has exceptional eyesight and poor judgement. I think that I could have done with an experienced nurse!
After 2 nights in ICU, I was transferred to a regular room. From there, I spent 3 more nights recovering and getting stronger every day.
The good news is that I came home yesterday, and it's true - there's no place like home! I now know what it feels like to be hit by a Mack Truck. But I also know that I made it this far. There is absolutely no way I went through this for nothing. Cancer messed with the wrong lady. I'm fired up now. The more pain I'm in, the more days that pass that I can't pick up my girls, means the more pissed and determined I get.
The bad news is that the cancer did spread to the lymph nodes.It was found in 2 of 26 lymph nodes - which makes this stage 2B. I don't have all of the pathology on the tumor back yet, but Dr. Metkus said it was small - only 1.6 cms after all.
The ugly - Well, my body is less than pretty right now. I have about 200 stitches in me and came home with 2 abdominal drains. Surprisingly, the drains aren't as bad as I thought they would be. Trust me - I don't LIKE them, and I really can't wait to be done with them. But they are here for now and I don't gag when I have to empty them twice a day.
And now, for the just plain weird... Dr. Griffin found a hernia in my stomach during surgery. He said it was small, and just over my belly button. So he pushed it in and stitched it up. I had no clue I had a hernia..but I have no clue what hernia's feel like. I sort of feel like I got a "buy one get one free" with this surgery... I'm sure Blue Shield won't feel that way when they get the bill!
I've been following your progress daily on facebook and your blog. I'm so happy your home and reunited with your little angels.....your fighting spirit and take no prisoners attitude will see you through this next phase of your recovery...were all in your corner here in Sacramento....keep on kicking some asssssssss as I know you can...love ya...Margo
ReplyDeleteYour name may be McNichol now, but you are truly a Marcazzo/Ortolani and no cancer can match the Italian in you. Maybe it's because you're half Sicilian. You go tell cancer to go to hell and never come back. Yes, I wore a holel in the carpet in the waiting room. Love Mama
ReplyDeleteSo thrilled to hear that you are home. Did you hear? We're walking for you this year.....team, RACKSTARS!!!! Your job is to think of your favorite 'rackstar' color and we will adorn it! xoxo and welcome home! Hope those girls are letting you rest!!
ReplyDeleteSo delighted that you are home!!....And so thrilled that you got back on your blog. I've been wearing either pink or orange since Friday and will continue to do so as a reminder of how strong and tough you are. You are going to turn that big "C" into a "No c" which will be gone and never to be seen again. It's not too often that it comes across a killer like you. So keep kicking ass and you will be off doing whatever God intends for you to do....I don't know what it will be, but I do know that you are going to be known by more people than you ever dreamed. You're one in a billion!
ReplyDeleteLove, Auntie
2 surgeries for the price of 1??? It was at least 3 and maybe more! It's great to see you back at the keyboard.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear that you are home! And by your Krusty the Clown post...glad to see your sense of humor is still in tact! As Maggie said...we are all signed up for the Avon Walk! Team Rack Stars are gonna kick some butt...just like you! We'll sport your favorite color...just let us know. xoxo, Amy
ReplyDelete