On Dec 15, 2010, I went in for a baseline mammogram. My mom was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 48, so my GP wanted me to be extra cautious. I figured "why not?!" Can't hurt, right?! The first thing the ladies at the breast center told me was that most first timers get called back for more pictures, and to NOT worry if that happened. So on Dec 17, when they called to say they needed more pictures, I didn't bat an eye. I promptly scheduled another mammogram for Dec 28 and didn't think twice about it.
Dec 28 rolled around quickly and I actually forgot about my appointment until I got to work that day. I had used deodorant, perfume, and lotion..all "no no's" when getting a mammogram. I called and tried to re schedule, but they said it was no problem and to come in anyway.
Two hours later I started to worry. They said they only needed pictures of my right breast. Hmmm... okay.. I thought. Then, they said I needed to have an ultrasound. I kept asking if this was "normal," and they assured me it was absolutely normal. What wasn't normal was when the dr. walked in and said the words I'll never forget: "We have a problem area we need to look into." She then showed me on the ultrasound the exact "problem area" and explained to me why she thought it was cancer. The lump had jagged edges, it wasn't perfectly round. It was only in one breast, and on and on.
The dr. said she needed to do a needle biopsy and that I could come back another day, but she didn't recommend waiting. Having just heard her explain why she thought it was cancer, WHY would I wait?! Within 30 minutes of her review of the ultrasound, I had a needle stuck in my right boob and a tiny piece of tissue dissected. For some weird reason, I asked to see the tissue. I'm absolutely not a medical person, I hate all things science related, and I especially hate bodily fluid/blood, etc. I just had to see this though. It was tiny, and yellow. It looked just like a piece of skin floating in liquid. Little did I know that yellow piece of tissue could potentially kill me.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep for the next two nights. I cried a lot. I thought of every possible scenario. And two days later, on Dec 30, 2010, my phone rang. "Melissa, the biopsy shows cancer cells." Those six words sent me into sheer panic. Are you kidding me?!! I am 36. I have a husband and two small small girls who NEED me. I can NOT have cancer. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think I would get cancer at any age... let alone at 36.
The Dr. was wonderful and brought me back to reality. She kept saying "Listen to my voice. You are going to be OKAY! It is small. It is tiny. You are going to be okay." She called me back later that evening to make sure I was okay - a gesture I will always remember and appreciate. She thinks I have a guardian angel looking out for me and said she has a very good feeling about the outcome.
God I pray she is right.
And so it begins. The journey I never wished to take. The road I thought I would avoid....except I know there are so many people behind me on this road following me, cheering me on, and praying for my success. I vow to beat this for each and every one of them.
Dec 28 rolled around quickly and I actually forgot about my appointment until I got to work that day. I had used deodorant, perfume, and lotion..all "no no's" when getting a mammogram. I called and tried to re schedule, but they said it was no problem and to come in anyway.
Two hours later I started to worry. They said they only needed pictures of my right breast. Hmmm... okay.. I thought. Then, they said I needed to have an ultrasound. I kept asking if this was "normal," and they assured me it was absolutely normal. What wasn't normal was when the dr. walked in and said the words I'll never forget: "We have a problem area we need to look into." She then showed me on the ultrasound the exact "problem area" and explained to me why she thought it was cancer. The lump had jagged edges, it wasn't perfectly round. It was only in one breast, and on and on.
The dr. said she needed to do a needle biopsy and that I could come back another day, but she didn't recommend waiting. Having just heard her explain why she thought it was cancer, WHY would I wait?! Within 30 minutes of her review of the ultrasound, I had a needle stuck in my right boob and a tiny piece of tissue dissected. For some weird reason, I asked to see the tissue. I'm absolutely not a medical person, I hate all things science related, and I especially hate bodily fluid/blood, etc. I just had to see this though. It was tiny, and yellow. It looked just like a piece of skin floating in liquid. Little did I know that yellow piece of tissue could potentially kill me.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep for the next two nights. I cried a lot. I thought of every possible scenario. And two days later, on Dec 30, 2010, my phone rang. "Melissa, the biopsy shows cancer cells." Those six words sent me into sheer panic. Are you kidding me?!! I am 36. I have a husband and two small small girls who NEED me. I can NOT have cancer. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think I would get cancer at any age... let alone at 36.
The Dr. was wonderful and brought me back to reality. She kept saying "Listen to my voice. You are going to be OKAY! It is small. It is tiny. You are going to be okay." She called me back later that evening to make sure I was okay - a gesture I will always remember and appreciate. She thinks I have a guardian angel looking out for me and said she has a very good feeling about the outcome.
God I pray she is right.
And so it begins. The journey I never wished to take. The road I thought I would avoid....except I know there are so many people behind me on this road following me, cheering me on, and praying for my success. I vow to beat this for each and every one of them.
Missy, after reading your blog, I was swept away by your ability to verbalize your feelings. Your outright honesty, your willingness to totally expose yourself, accompanied by your sense of humor, was gut wrenching, hopeful and refreshing. I am totally convinced that these gifts, accompanied by excellent medical care and the prayers of all who love you, will take you to a complete recovery. You have a talent to express yourself through the written word, a talent that will be the vehicle that will take you to a future beyond your wildest dreams. Search no more for what you want to be when you "grow up." I know you will beat this and yes the reason why it has happened, thought still veiled, has already begun to reveal itself. Keep doing what you’re doing. Through this blog, you will continuously bolster your hope and courage. You will win this war and give hope and courage to all that read it. I am so proud of you and I love you!
ReplyDeleteYour Auntie
When I saw the links to your blog, it took me a second to realize who Holly and Leslie were talking about. It couldn't possibly be you! You are far too young and cute (:)) and fun and have a family that is gorgeous and healthy and you have way too many wonderful things going on to have this on top of it all. I think I am still in shock!!
ReplyDeleteBut breast cancer is not a match for you. It has no idea who it is messing with. And if anyone can beat this, it's you. And with the love and support of all your family and many friends, you will be a Breast Cancer SURVIVOR in no time. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this process and if there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask. And I know we haven't seen eachother in almost 20 years (YIKESS!!! How did we get so old?) but know that I still think you are a rock star!! And our family will be praying!!
You don't me, but we are related in some way. I just want to say that you seem to be an amazing woman, wife, and mother. Your courage and your positive attitude will help to get you through this. Your blog will be an outlet for you and it is already an inspiration to those who know you.
ReplyDeleteI will keep up with your blog and will keep you in my prayers.
Suzanne Alotta
Your post gave me chills.....just like the day I got diagnosed with BC. I know how it feels. HUGS!!!!
ReplyDelete