The past week has taken more out of me than anything I could ever imagine. It wasn't just the infusion and the subsequent days of sickness/nausea. It's been the overwhelming anxiety and depression that has hit me simultaneously. Man, I was really not expecting this. For the past few days, I can't control my crying, feel totally inept as a mom, and just want to sleep all day. It reached a pinnacle over the weekend and I knew something was drastically wrong. Where was the girl who was going to rock chemo? Where'd she go?! And who was this blubbering mess left in her place?
So first thing this morning I called the Cancer Center and got an appointment with my nurse, Suzanne. I was so lucky to get an appointment this morning. My wonderful Matt drove me there, reassuring me the whole time. Sure enough...she confirmed that I'm totally normal for a young woman recently diagnosed with cancer. Apparently it's not possible to just breeze through a doublay and chemo without a bit of depression, sadness, and feeling overwhelmed. And with a few kind words and a prescription for Lexapro, Suzanne sent me on my way saying she'd see me for my official appointment tomorrow.
It's odd that I am so relieved to have a rx for an anti depressant. I'm the girl who won't take a Tylenol for a headache, now I'm stacking anti nausea pills and begging for anti depressants. It's shown me though that cancer is no joke. It's not to be taken lightly. It will mess with you in so many ways. But now I've decided to take control back. I will pop whatever pill will allow me to enjoy the good days with my girls, to still see all of the goodness in life, and to renew my vow to kick some ass.
Sadly, she said it will take 2-3 weeks for it to really kick in. I'm hoping that my attitude will change just by knowing it's on board. We shall see. But for now, it's a good day. A hopeful day. Maybe I can do this after all......
So first thing this morning I called the Cancer Center and got an appointment with my nurse, Suzanne. I was so lucky to get an appointment this morning. My wonderful Matt drove me there, reassuring me the whole time. Sure enough...she confirmed that I'm totally normal for a young woman recently diagnosed with cancer. Apparently it's not possible to just breeze through a doublay and chemo without a bit of depression, sadness, and feeling overwhelmed. And with a few kind words and a prescription for Lexapro, Suzanne sent me on my way saying she'd see me for my official appointment tomorrow.
It's odd that I am so relieved to have a rx for an anti depressant. I'm the girl who won't take a Tylenol for a headache, now I'm stacking anti nausea pills and begging for anti depressants. It's shown me though that cancer is no joke. It's not to be taken lightly. It will mess with you in so many ways. But now I've decided to take control back. I will pop whatever pill will allow me to enjoy the good days with my girls, to still see all of the goodness in life, and to renew my vow to kick some ass.
Sadly, she said it will take 2-3 weeks for it to really kick in. I'm hoping that my attitude will change just by knowing it's on board. We shall see. But for now, it's a good day. A hopeful day. Maybe I can do this after all......
You can and will do this!!! Depression is one of the stages of cancer. What you are feeling is totally natural for anyone of any age. They are real feelings and don't take them lightly, get help from wherever you can. You are much loved by so many people and especially your beautiful daughters and husband. Love Mama
ReplyDeleteHey kiddo, you're doing just great! One of my favorite quotes is about Depression. "Depression does not come from weakness, but comes from being too strong for too long." Be kinder to yourself. You are loved and needed. Besides a good cry once in a while is okay.
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