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To Treat or not to Treat, that is my question.......

One of the many benefits of hospice is that they can take blood from my port from  home. Last Monday, my lovely nurse, Lena, took blood for Weds appointment with Suzanne. I went in to the appointment all tough and bad, like I was going to TELL THEM that I'm not done. You can't force me to quit trying, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I went in with my argument and Suzanne, Matt and I had a nice discussion. Apparently in my horrible chemo haze last week I don't even remember our visit to Dr. Adler. Regardless, the bloodwork shows the bilirubin is going up. Not good. That based on my behavior last week has Dr. Adler worried.

So the question is, is the chemo helping to prolong my life or not. I cried. A lot. I explained that I have little girls, I can't just QUIT trying to save my life.

Final results are hospice will take blood again next Monday, and I see Dr. Adler on Weds. It's this revolving door of wait and see, wait and see, etc. But how long can a person go on like this. At some point the decision to stop treatment and just live out what time I have left is going to have to be made. I have been feeling great the last 5 days. I've been able to get out and go for little walks with the family, and go to Target for school supplies. I can go on like this forever!

I get that this is probably normal and what happens to every cancer patient. It just sucks. It really and truly sucks. I don't want to die. I don't want this to be my last school shopping supply trip to Target. I want to wear all the cute clothes, and buy all the cute school stuff. I just want to live. That's all I want..... I want to live.

Comments

  1. Pat MAugust 6, 2018 at 6:35 PM

    We all want you to live. Your girls deserve to have the greatest mom by their side as they grow up to become great ladies.

    ReplyDelete

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