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Through Grief comes Love

What a bittersweet summer this has been. I'm dying. There's no denying that. I get weaker every day, I rely more and more on Matt and others. I sleep in the hospice bed in the living room, and yet I am loving every minute I have with Matt, the girls, my incredible family that is traveling in from all over the country to care for me, and my super close and amazing friends here. I definitely feel LOVED.

All this grief that is surrounding us seems to have a forcefield of love that is keeping it somewhat at bay. Don't get me wrong, I have a witching hour every day from about 3-6. It reminds me of when the girls were babies and they would cry every day from 5-7. Then it passes and life moves on.  From 3-6 every day I need an Ativan and a nap and to reframe my head and my soul. The reality is I really do not want this happening. For as bittersweet and as much fun and love as we are sharing, I DO NO WANT TO DIE. IT'S NOT FAIR!

This week has been emotional in other ways too. If my bilirubin isn't low enough, how many more chances will they give me? I keep being told that hospice and Dr. Adler's office can't keep going back and forth and a decision will have to be made soon between one and the other. I also found out this week that Chris & family have plans to come out not only for a week in October, but also for Christmas. That's some serious motivation to keep fighting.

So what I am trying to focus on now is that through all this grief, love is coming through abundantly. We are having a shitty summer full of love. Please, let's get to 2019!!!!

Comments

  1. ShannonAugust 21, 2018 at 10:01 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. ShannonAugust 21, 2018 at 10:03 PM

    "The greatest thing you'll ever learn
    Is just to love and be loved in return"
    - Nature Boy, Nat King Cole

    If I could give you some of my years and Richs, we damn well would. I am grateful for any moments we have shared and promise to honor those you leave behind. Kalea loves the girls, and enjoyed camp with them last week. I hope to stay close.
    I respect you for sharing your story, your wisdom and feel your hearts strength. You are not alone - you are loved. This life is not ours to choose...but we stand together as we cherish what we we have of it. Heres to 2019!!!!
    Love from Shan, Rich, Kalea and Ella - The Dalys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ms B's Math & ComputerAugust 22, 2018 at 5:10 AM

    YOU NEVER STOP AMAZING ME!! I loved seeing you at school but I am SO VERY PROUD of you for deciding to spend your energy loving your family instead of working. You will still inspire all of us every day!! And we get to see you smile from within. Yes we your struggle but even more we ALL see your strength and Faith -- you teach us every day!! Love You

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pat MAugust 22, 2018 at 9:21 AM

    This certainly is NOT FAIR. I am beside myself with sadness at the thought of not having my daughter in my life. I am proud however, of the way you are handling this ordeal that has been dumped in your lap. Many people will always think of you and how you handled adversity and be uplifted and inspired by it. You are an amazing warrior who had done her best in an awful situation with her head held high. The rest is now in God's hands. I love you with all my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chris ReidAugust 23, 2018 at 2:10 PM

    Hey Melissa,
    We've been thinking, praying and rooting for you every day... You're strength really is inspirational. You'll always be the Coug to us no matter what! Rooting for 2019!!

    ReplyDelete

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