Last week was such a good week. It was the first full week back to school, Chris was coming into town for a weekend visit, and we were all heading to Pine Mountain Lake for the long weekend. What could go wrong?
Ha... everything.
My right side was hurting a bit on Friday and it was getting harder to get up and down from a sitting position. This happens occasionally so I didn't think too much of it. I chalked it up to a long week of work and being tired. Nothing a relaxing, do nothing, weekend wouldn't cure.
Chris, Reagan and I drove up to the mountains in my little Honda. Matt and Charlie took the truck. We all got up there about 11:30 Friday night. I was beat and the pain was worse, traveling is not the easiest thing for my body these days.
Saturday I woke up completely unable to move, to stand up and walk, sit or do anything without an excruciating amount of pain. My ribs were seizing up and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't go from a lying position to sitting without feeling like a shark was ripping my insides out. I cried... a lot. I religiously took my meds and they did nothing to dent the pain. We thought maybe I needed a little "help" going to the bathroom... turns out that wasn't the case either.
The poor girls were besides themselves with worry. The pain was so unbearable it was impossible to keep it from them. It was pretty much just a big giant shit show!!!!
The ride home on Monday was probably the most miserable 4 hours of my life. I felt like the Princess and the Pea in Matt's giant truck. Every pothole and pebble felt like someone was hitting me with a 2 X 4 in the ribs. And after just paying $450 to register Matt's truck for the year, it was kind of confusing as to what exactly our money is going to... the roads in California are HORRIBLE.
Anyway, after getting home and crashing in bed, I decided to not go to the ER that night. However Tuesday morning was a different story. The pain got exponentially worse overnight.
Matt and I got to the ER about 7:40am Tuesday and I spent all day there literally screaming in pain. It was a little embarrassing at times, but I have honestly never felt anything like that in my life. It's actually completely indescribable what I was feeling. In the ER they gave me so many drugs I can't even remember them all. What it came down to was a combo of nausea meds (one of which was via a shot in the butt), a lidocaine patch, and dilaudid on the hour every hour. It wasn't working. Finally I had a CT Scan which showed multiple rib fractures. Multiple. They won't tell me how many, not sure they even know. But those little fissures I've had decided to "spontaneously" break.... probably on the drive home yesterday:) The evening was rounded out with an upgrade to mscontin (a morphine based drug), an anti inflammatory, and an anesthetic nerve block done by a very interesting anesthesiologist. He was very humorous (or maybe it was all the opiods I'd taken) and very impressed with himself. Although he did such a great job, I'm pretty impressed with him also. And he said I did a great job handling the procedure, so if he's going to compliment me... well heck, I think he's pretty darn peachy too.
Today the pain was was much better. It's hard to compare the two days. I still have pain, but it's that tolerable "Oh I have a sore rib" type pain. I had my port input this afternoon, which was done quick and easy with no issues. The mscontin is working like a charm and I need very little break through pain meds.
I admit that coming to the hospital had me freaked out. I felt like it was a step in admitting the cancer was winning...and it's NOT. But the reality is I'm not the super human pain resister bad ass cancer fighting woman I like to think I am.
It's been repeated over and over to me the past few days, by all the doctors, that this pain will most likely ease up once treatment starts. The treatment is geared towards shrinking the tumors so that they won't be able to "spontaneously" fracture my ribs. The treatment is going to make me feel better, not worse.. which is the complete opposite of my first dance with the cancer. That time I felt great UNTIL I started treatment. So wrapping my head around all of this is overwhelming and hard sometimes. But I just need to keep focus, put my head down and barrel through.
Cancer, I'm coming for you on Friday... be prepared, little bastard.
The ride home on Monday was probably the most miserable 4 hours of my life. I felt like the Princess and the Pea in Matt's giant truck. Every pothole and pebble felt like someone was hitting me with a 2 X 4 in the ribs. And after just paying $450 to register Matt's truck for the year, it was kind of confusing as to what exactly our money is going to... the roads in California are HORRIBLE.
Anyway, after getting home and crashing in bed, I decided to not go to the ER that night. However Tuesday morning was a different story. The pain got exponentially worse overnight.
Matt and I got to the ER about 7:40am Tuesday and I spent all day there literally screaming in pain. It was a little embarrassing at times, but I have honestly never felt anything like that in my life. It's actually completely indescribable what I was feeling. In the ER they gave me so many drugs I can't even remember them all. What it came down to was a combo of nausea meds (one of which was via a shot in the butt), a lidocaine patch, and dilaudid on the hour every hour. It wasn't working. Finally I had a CT Scan which showed multiple rib fractures. Multiple. They won't tell me how many, not sure they even know. But those little fissures I've had decided to "spontaneously" break.... probably on the drive home yesterday:) The evening was rounded out with an upgrade to mscontin (a morphine based drug), an anti inflammatory, and an anesthetic nerve block done by a very interesting anesthesiologist. He was very humorous (or maybe it was all the opiods I'd taken) and very impressed with himself. Although he did such a great job, I'm pretty impressed with him also. And he said I did a great job handling the procedure, so if he's going to compliment me... well heck, I think he's pretty darn peachy too.
Today the pain was was much better. It's hard to compare the two days. I still have pain, but it's that tolerable "Oh I have a sore rib" type pain. I had my port input this afternoon, which was done quick and easy with no issues. The mscontin is working like a charm and I need very little break through pain meds.
I admit that coming to the hospital had me freaked out. I felt like it was a step in admitting the cancer was winning...and it's NOT. But the reality is I'm not the super human pain resister bad ass cancer fighting woman I like to think I am.
It's been repeated over and over to me the past few days, by all the doctors, that this pain will most likely ease up once treatment starts. The treatment is geared towards shrinking the tumors so that they won't be able to "spontaneously" fracture my ribs. The treatment is going to make me feel better, not worse.. which is the complete opposite of my first dance with the cancer. That time I felt great UNTIL I started treatment. So wrapping my head around all of this is overwhelming and hard sometimes. But I just need to keep focus, put my head down and barrel through.
Cancer, I'm coming for you on Friday... be prepared, little bastard.
I disagree. I was there for the whole thing and you are a bad ass. You made it through and were able to smile and joke as soon as you got the pain under control. You continue to impress me with your courage and attitude. I love you.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, YOU ARE A BADASS!! Stay strong and stay the course. There are many many people sending good thoughts and prayers your way. I love you too!
ReplyDeleteMost people could not endure the pain you were in. I saw it first hand. You are the strongest woman I know. You will do everything needed to win this battle. You are loved by all who know you.
ReplyDelete