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Angry


This weekend I've been feeling angry... and pissed off... and frustrated. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of it hurting every time I walk,  I'm tired of having to think about things like "how am I going to get out of bed with the least amount of pain." I'm tired and angry of seeing that look in people's eyes when they talk to me like I'm already in the grave.

I'm angry that sometimes I feel like I am the only one who has faith that I can live for many more years still. It's pissing me off to no end. Even people I love and count on have been treating me like I'm one foot in the grave. Yes, even Matt got a tongue lashing from me last night at festival when he was treating me with kid gloves. I know he does it out of love and a feeling of wanting to do anything to make my life easier, but come on.. I CAN stand and watch a friend do karaoke.. I don't need to be in a chair all the time like I'm one breath away from needing my last rites.

Here's the deal; I know that this is unchartered territory for most of us. I get that everyone loves me and wants me to be comfortable and all of that. I also know that no one knows what to say and do. And this is probably all my own mental issue of having to deal with not being able to do everything I want to do like I used to. But I just want to feel like people really have my back and think I can, if not beat this, at least spank it hard core for many years.

So please, if you see me and talk to me, even if you have your own beliefs on what my outcome will be..please don't share that feeling with me. Please treat me like I am going to be here for a long time still. Of course I welcome questions and sincere concern, and I know people really love me. It just sucks.. for all of us. IT JUST SUCKS.

Comments

  1. Pat MSeptember 18, 2017 at 10:43 AM

    It sure as hell does suck. You will be here for many, many years. You will beat the crap out of this cancer. We are all at a loss as what to do, how to help, etc. We all WANT you to be you at your best and not hurting. We are just as frustrated as you and maybe we handle it in a way that can be construed as putting you in the grave. I personally know how you feel when the one you love treats you as an invalid. WE are all here for you and you need to let us know what to do and when you need help. I think you just told us all what NOT to do. Tell us to back off if we are being too overbearing. I know you can do that! We all do love you.

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