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Night and Day

Yesterday was one of my worst days since chemo. I felt nauseous from mid morning on. I had to ask Matt to drive me down to radiation even. It's a good thing I did though, as soon as I got out of the car I got sick all over the hospital parking garage. Yikes!! I haven't done that in a parking lot since college.  I did learn something from my Santa Barbara days - I managed to keep my shoes and pants clean, and I didn't have to worry about holding my hair back! I'm pretty sure the maintenance guy wasn't as impressed with me as I was though....

I made it through radiation, and crawled into bed with my little barf bag when I got home. Sadly my ativan didn't work like I hoped it would. I was hoping to just sleep until this morning, but no such luck. I spiraled down into a sad, blubbering mess. All of these scary thoughts came rushing into my brain - morbid thoughts too, like what will I tell the girls if this comes back. Oh, it was bad. By 9:00 I still wasn't asleep, and luckily Matt was able to come home early from work. If it wasn't for Matt, I don't know how I'd get through these nights. He is my calm and my comfort. Even though he can't guarantee this won't come back, I like to believe him when he says that it won't. And it's because of him that I know everything will be okay, no matter what the future holds.

Finally I was able to fall asleep, and this morning is a brand new day. I feel so much better about everything. I've put the vicodin away and am going to rely solely on ibuprofen to get passed the rest of the surgery pains. I can't deal with the vicodin haze, and then the detox from it. I seriously have NO idea how people get addicted to it...there is nothing nice about that drug.

Tomorrow I have a follow up with Dr. Metkus. I'm hoping to feel good enough to have the girls come home tomorrow. I saw them for a bit again today, and they seriously are the best medicine. Lifting Charlie is going to be an issue for a while, but once I'm feeling better we can negotiate around that. I know waiting a few days longer now will benefit me in the end, so I don't want to rush it.

It's nice to feel hopeful again though. It's nice to know I'm starting to feel "normal" once again.

Comments

  1. Sanchez FamilyJuly 21, 2011 at 7:54 AM

    Melissa! Hang in there!! It was funny, you were the first thing that I thought of when I woke up this morning! Prayers coming your way!! xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamaJuly 21, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Keep your steely determination that it will never come back after the surgery you had. You get that from me and Nanny! It will never come back. You were right to put the meds away. The girls and Matt are your best medicine. You certainly did find your Price Charming. Love Mama

    ReplyDelete

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