The past 6 months have caused Matt and I to have serious conversations. Conversations most people try to avoid because they are so morbid and REAL. When you are diagnosed with an illness where the median survival time is 2.5 years, you have to speed these conversations up. They HAVE to be had. Matt can't stand talking about this stuff half the time, but I think it's part of my processing the whole reality that makes me push forward and insist we discuss.
There are a few things that I am having a particularly hard time dealing with. One of which is what to do with my body after I die. Normally there are two options. Burial or cremation. As I lay in bed last night and listened to the rain, my fear of burial rose to the top again. (no pun intended). I don't want to be in the cold, wet, wormy ground. Ugh. I can't stand being cold and wet. And the thought of bugs climbing on me just really creeps me out. The alternative is cremation. I equally cannot stand being hot. That is going to be SO HOT... and I learned last night that it's like an 8 hour process.. not the 20 minutes I previously thought. Shit. I'm SO screwed. Oh, and like I mentioned to Matt last night...my whole life we are taught "Your body is your temple." Well isn't cremation like arson then? Burning down a temple doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Matt tried to explain "It's different." Whatever. I'm not sold yet.
The chemo hangover took over and I lay here pondering all of this when an incredible thought popped into my head. What if I was to be mummified?! And or dipped in gold. How amazing would that be? Then my body, my "temple" could be put in a mausoleum. I haven't worked out all of the details yet...but I think I'm on to something.
When Matt came to bed and I told him my plan, he didn't come back with 1,000 reasons why it wouldn't work like he normally does with my harebrained ideas. I think because he was so bewildered by the absurdity of what I was saying. He just mentioned again that it's "just your vessel, not YOU". But hey, he hasn't said "no," yet. So as far as I'm concerned it's still my most viable option.
There are a few things that I am having a particularly hard time dealing with. One of which is what to do with my body after I die. Normally there are two options. Burial or cremation. As I lay in bed last night and listened to the rain, my fear of burial rose to the top again. (no pun intended). I don't want to be in the cold, wet, wormy ground. Ugh. I can't stand being cold and wet. And the thought of bugs climbing on me just really creeps me out. The alternative is cremation. I equally cannot stand being hot. That is going to be SO HOT... and I learned last night that it's like an 8 hour process.. not the 20 minutes I previously thought. Shit. I'm SO screwed. Oh, and like I mentioned to Matt last night...my whole life we are taught "Your body is your temple." Well isn't cremation like arson then? Burning down a temple doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Matt tried to explain "It's different." Whatever. I'm not sold yet.
The chemo hangover took over and I lay here pondering all of this when an incredible thought popped into my head. What if I was to be mummified?! And or dipped in gold. How amazing would that be? Then my body, my "temple" could be put in a mausoleum. I haven't worked out all of the details yet...but I think I'm on to something.
When Matt came to bed and I told him my plan, he didn't come back with 1,000 reasons why it wouldn't work like he normally does with my harebrained ideas. I think because he was so bewildered by the absurdity of what I was saying. He just mentioned again that it's "just your vessel, not YOU". But hey, he hasn't said "no," yet. So as far as I'm concerned it's still my most viable option.
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