Light the Night .... and more

I've been meaning to post an update for a long time now, but time eludes me. A few weeks ago, the community came together in the most amazing way. They organized a "Light the Night" walk for me, and other sick members of the community. The event was put together in a few weeks and coincided with a visit from my Aunt (and godmother) Gina and Uncle Kevin. It started in the school yard with the selling of paper lanterns and fabric squares that everyone wrote their sweet sentiments on. The SR choir sang "This Little Light of Mine," followed by a group of women singing "I'll Stand by You." Well, clearly at this point I was already crying. But the waterworks really started after when Fr. Tony, my sister in law Lisa, and then my group of girls; Jess, Airen and Trish all read poems and blessed me.  It's a good thing I had a hat and mask on my face (due to low white blood cells) or I would have really been frightening looking. From the yard, we walked (okay, I lie.. I was in a wheelchair so I was rolled) down into the park and around the baseball field. They had HOPE and CURE lit up in white lights on the backstop. At one point, Matt told me to turn around. There was a trail of people all the way down the street back to the church. Easily 300 people showed up. Overwhelming is a poor adjective to describe what Matt and I felt that night. The event ended with everyone standing around the gazebo in the park. Sr. Sheral sang the Ave Maria, and then they blared what's become the Breast Cancer anthem "Fight Song." I sat in the wheelchair with Matt rubbing my back, hugging my girls and sobbing. It took a few days for it all to sink in and I still have a hard time coming up with adequate words for how incredibly touching the whole night was. To say we feel loved, supported and uplifted by the community doesn't do justice. The fabric squares people wrote their sentiments on were quickly made into the most gorgeous quilt. It lays on my bed and every night I am wrapped in the love of friends and family.

Since then, it's been business as usual. I had a week off of chemo last week, but still had to go in for the zometa and procrit. My hemoglobin was back down to 7.2 so I had another blood transfusion yesterday. This one went much smoother than the first, and I'm feeling pretty good today.

Friday is back to chemo. But then things are getting exciting. My scan is next Monday, with results next Friday. I'm so nervous and anxious about it. I'm feeling good, so I admit I will be bummed if there is no improvement in the scans. The following Monday I finally have my UCSF appointment.

Overall I've been in a good place mentally and emotionally, yet every once in a while (like last night) I break down. Sometimes it just hits that this is it for me... I will ALWAYS be in treatment. I will NEVER be normal again. And that sucks. But then I climb in bed with my lovely new quilt and read the messages telling me to "stay strong" and I suck it up, dry my tears, and carry on.