What a roller coaster the past two weeks have been. We arrived in London on July 1 and spent the week relaxing with Chris, Hannah and the twins. I had no choice but to take it easy...much easier than I ever have before when travelling. My body was wracked with pain the first day here. But at the same time, it was nice having a week of just being Londoners and not crazy tourists that pack too much into a day. We went to the London Zoo one day, and the Princess Diana Memorial Playground on the grounds of Kensington Palace; both of which were really cool places we had never been. Other than that the girls and the twins' nanny just hit up different parks when I need to rest and take it easy.
Last Friday we took off for a week in Sicily. What an amazing place Sicily is. The girls loved it, although I think they would have loved anywhere as long as Felix and Ellie were there. While the landscape was gorgeous, and the company incomparable...thoughts of reality were never far from my mind. Too much walking, too many stairs, or a simple stumble on carpet will jar my legs and sent stabs of pain all over. It feels like someone took a baseball bat and smashed my pelvic bones, which, by the way, is not a very enjoyable feeling.
I'm learning how to manage the pain meds, and that I really need to listen to my body. When it needs a rest, I need to take a day and just rest. It's hard. I don't like being an invalid. I'm 43... not 95. These are the times I struggle to keep it together. The girls have seen me cry and I try and brush it off, but it's tough. It's tough to BE tough. It's also hard to hold it together knowing that their world is about to be rocked when we tell them the news on our return. Reagan is very in tune to me and I feel like she has already picked up on what's happening. I hate feeling like I've failed them.
So while on one hand we are having this amazing vacation that I hope they will remember forever, I can't help but be terrified that it may be our last mommy/daughters adventure. I don't want to believe that at all, but when the pain is unbearable, it's so hard to remain positive. Don't get me wrong, there were days in Sicily where I felt next to no pain and I have that determined spirit that I'm going to kick ass when I return. It's just there is so much unknown right now...and I don't do well with that. I let my mind go crazy when the pain is bad. This is all too serious and scary for me at times.
We have four more days in London. Today includes acupuncture for me and then afternoon tea. So it is shaping up to be a great day!
I just need to start channeling the kick ass spirit again.......
Last Friday we took off for a week in Sicily. What an amazing place Sicily is. The girls loved it, although I think they would have loved anywhere as long as Felix and Ellie were there. While the landscape was gorgeous, and the company incomparable...thoughts of reality were never far from my mind. Too much walking, too many stairs, or a simple stumble on carpet will jar my legs and sent stabs of pain all over. It feels like someone took a baseball bat and smashed my pelvic bones, which, by the way, is not a very enjoyable feeling.
I'm learning how to manage the pain meds, and that I really need to listen to my body. When it needs a rest, I need to take a day and just rest. It's hard. I don't like being an invalid. I'm 43... not 95. These are the times I struggle to keep it together. The girls have seen me cry and I try and brush it off, but it's tough. It's tough to BE tough. It's also hard to hold it together knowing that their world is about to be rocked when we tell them the news on our return. Reagan is very in tune to me and I feel like she has already picked up on what's happening. I hate feeling like I've failed them.
So while on one hand we are having this amazing vacation that I hope they will remember forever, I can't help but be terrified that it may be our last mommy/daughters adventure. I don't want to believe that at all, but when the pain is unbearable, it's so hard to remain positive. Don't get me wrong, there were days in Sicily where I felt next to no pain and I have that determined spirit that I'm going to kick ass when I return. It's just there is so much unknown right now...and I don't do well with that. I let my mind go crazy when the pain is bad. This is all too serious and scary for me at times.
We have four more days in London. Today includes acupuncture for me and then afternoon tea. So it is shaping up to be a great day!
I just need to start channeling the kick ass spirit again.......
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