Today was one of those days that no parent ever wants to have. The day you actually break your children's hearts.
Matt came home today after work and before he went to school. We had lunch together, and then gathered the girls in the living room. I don't even know how I mustered the strength to do it, but I managed to tell the girls that the leg pains I've been having are because my cancer has come back. They immediately started bawling... as did Matt and I. I told them it was okay to cry and be scared and that Daddy and I are also sad and scared, but that I wanted them to listen to all of the information also. Over the next half hour or so, we went over everything that we know, what tests are coming up, and stressed that we need to really stick together as a family and trust that we will get through this. We talked about God's plan for us, and that we need to have faith. Matt and I reassured them that their lives won't change that much. They will still play sports and dance, go on playdates, we will still yell at them for fighting and not doing what they are told, but that Mommy will have a lot of appointments and not a lot of energy for a while. They both liked that they will be spending more time with Nana and Papa.
I made sure they know that I adore them and would never give up without a fight. Charlie kept crying and saying how scared she is. All I could do was hold her and cry as well.
Matt, the therapist that he is, thought ahead and gave us all pink worry stones to keep with us always. He also bought a few books for the girls to read, and gave them journals that they can write or draw in. Reagan commented that she liked "getting stuff" which made us laugh.
I know being mad does no good, but it makes me mad that I had to tell my little girls this news today. It makes me mad that they can never again be carefree kids. The reality of life has bitch slapped us all and robbed them of their childhood. Cancer can mess with me and I will go head to head with it, but the fact that my children are now devastated enrages me.
It also enrages me that I got a call from my health insurance today for the cost of the CT Scan on Tuesday. $650. On top of the $650 for the bone scan. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.
Matt came home today after work and before he went to school. We had lunch together, and then gathered the girls in the living room. I don't even know how I mustered the strength to do it, but I managed to tell the girls that the leg pains I've been having are because my cancer has come back. They immediately started bawling... as did Matt and I. I told them it was okay to cry and be scared and that Daddy and I are also sad and scared, but that I wanted them to listen to all of the information also. Over the next half hour or so, we went over everything that we know, what tests are coming up, and stressed that we need to really stick together as a family and trust that we will get through this. We talked about God's plan for us, and that we need to have faith. Matt and I reassured them that their lives won't change that much. They will still play sports and dance, go on playdates, we will still yell at them for fighting and not doing what they are told, but that Mommy will have a lot of appointments and not a lot of energy for a while. They both liked that they will be spending more time with Nana and Papa.
I made sure they know that I adore them and would never give up without a fight. Charlie kept crying and saying how scared she is. All I could do was hold her and cry as well.
Matt, the therapist that he is, thought ahead and gave us all pink worry stones to keep with us always. He also bought a few books for the girls to read, and gave them journals that they can write or draw in. Reagan commented that she liked "getting stuff" which made us laugh.
I know being mad does no good, but it makes me mad that I had to tell my little girls this news today. It makes me mad that they can never again be carefree kids. The reality of life has bitch slapped us all and robbed them of their childhood. Cancer can mess with me and I will go head to head with it, but the fact that my children are now devastated enrages me.
It also enrages me that I got a call from my health insurance today for the cost of the CT Scan on Tuesday. $650. On top of the $650 for the bone scan. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.
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ReplyDeleteMelissa, your strength and courage is amazing! I can't even begin to imagine how hard this day must have been for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I look forward to reading how you bitch slap Cancer right back in the face!!!!
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