The results are in and they are absolutely not what we were hoping for or expecting. I officially suck at reading CT Scan results.
My sister in law, Jess, came with me to the appointment yesterday since Matt had to work. I wasn't expecting bad news as I figured it was time we heard something GOOD, so I told him to save his time off for when I really need him. Well, turns out I really needed him yesterday.
The cancer is active in my lungs and liver as well as my bones. F*$%!!!! As hard as I tried to remain strong, I broke down crying in Dr. Adler's office. So did Jess, and Dr. Adler himself was a little teary eyed. He said I "hopefully" have a few years left. Well, he has no idea how hard I'm about to fight...although it's taken me a full 24 hours to process the news and get to this point.
The news seemed to continue to get worse. Originally treatment was going to be hormone based pills, immunotherapy stuff. But due to the fact that my liver and lungs are involved now, I have to have chemo. My mind and body physically shudder at the thought of doing chemo again. I feel like I just can't do it. But I will. And I will for as long as I need to. I will hate every second, but I will do it.
Additionally, the CT Scan shows several broken bones... many in my ribs and one in my pelvis. So that explains the massive pain I've been in. I asked Dr. Adler why my body is falling apart on me. His answer, "It's the fucking cancer!" God, I love him. If there is any silver lining to this shit, it's that I have the best oncologist on my team. He never fails to make me laugh and feel as confident as I can, while not sugar coating anything. When I told him I was kind of impressed with myself that I have been walking around, vacationing, and living it up with all these broken bones, he concurred that that is pretty impressive. I'm so proud of myself for impressing my oncologist... it's the little things, I tell ya.
Next steps are waiting to hear from the biopsy people about when that will be. My liver is the lucky winner of that procedure. I always thought it would be the booze that took my liver out, not cancer. I have a port consultation on August 14. So hopefully it will all come together over the next few weeks and we will be able to start treatment before school starts. Going back to school is one great comfort I have now. I really love my job and am looking forward to getting back at it. Dr. Adler said that I'm at the stage in life where I should only do things I want to do, and if I don't want to work I shouldn't. Well, I can say with 100% certainty that I want to work as long as I can. What else am I going to do? Sit home and cry while my kids are at school and Matt is at work. No thanks. I'm still a contributing member to this community and I love being with my students, and seeing my own girls at school daily.
There were a lot of things that were hard to hear yesterday. There is no cure. I will die from this, and most likely sooner than later. And I got an application for my pot card and handicap placards, both of which are signs that I'm pretty screwed. But I'm going to give it my all though. I'm no chump.
My sister in law, Jess, came with me to the appointment yesterday since Matt had to work. I wasn't expecting bad news as I figured it was time we heard something GOOD, so I told him to save his time off for when I really need him. Well, turns out I really needed him yesterday.
The cancer is active in my lungs and liver as well as my bones. F*$%!!!! As hard as I tried to remain strong, I broke down crying in Dr. Adler's office. So did Jess, and Dr. Adler himself was a little teary eyed. He said I "hopefully" have a few years left. Well, he has no idea how hard I'm about to fight...although it's taken me a full 24 hours to process the news and get to this point.
The news seemed to continue to get worse. Originally treatment was going to be hormone based pills, immunotherapy stuff. But due to the fact that my liver and lungs are involved now, I have to have chemo. My mind and body physically shudder at the thought of doing chemo again. I feel like I just can't do it. But I will. And I will for as long as I need to. I will hate every second, but I will do it.
Additionally, the CT Scan shows several broken bones... many in my ribs and one in my pelvis. So that explains the massive pain I've been in. I asked Dr. Adler why my body is falling apart on me. His answer, "It's the fucking cancer!" God, I love him. If there is any silver lining to this shit, it's that I have the best oncologist on my team. He never fails to make me laugh and feel as confident as I can, while not sugar coating anything. When I told him I was kind of impressed with myself that I have been walking around, vacationing, and living it up with all these broken bones, he concurred that that is pretty impressive. I'm so proud of myself for impressing my oncologist... it's the little things, I tell ya.
Next steps are waiting to hear from the biopsy people about when that will be. My liver is the lucky winner of that procedure. I always thought it would be the booze that took my liver out, not cancer. I have a port consultation on August 14. So hopefully it will all come together over the next few weeks and we will be able to start treatment before school starts. Going back to school is one great comfort I have now. I really love my job and am looking forward to getting back at it. Dr. Adler said that I'm at the stage in life where I should only do things I want to do, and if I don't want to work I shouldn't. Well, I can say with 100% certainty that I want to work as long as I can. What else am I going to do? Sit home and cry while my kids are at school and Matt is at work. No thanks. I'm still a contributing member to this community and I love being with my students, and seeing my own girls at school daily.
There were a lot of things that were hard to hear yesterday. There is no cure. I will die from this, and most likely sooner than later. And I got an application for my pot card and handicap placards, both of which are signs that I'm pretty screwed. But I'm going to give it my all though. I'm no chump.
You are amazing and so loved!🙏🏼
ReplyDeleteHi Mel it's Stef from college! ❤️
ReplyDeleteWe LOVE YOU Sweet Lady!!
ReplyDeleteF*%$!!! is a perfect response, but FIHGT Melissa. FIHGT every day. You have a huge community supporting you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I know your head must be spinning but all you can do is take this one day at a time. Love Adler!!! Love you!!! You can KICK A$$!!!
ReplyDelete
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