June is finally here!!! For so long now I've been waiting and waiting for it to be June, since it means this chapter ends this month! It's both flown by, and dragged on. It's like we've been in a weird time warp since March...actually since January. But here we are after all. June.
Sadly, even though mentally I know I'm so close to the end, my body still has to process these chemo rounds still. I'm sore and sad and pretty miserable today. I still hate the Neupogen shots and am waiting for the last rounds bruises to heal still while adding new bruises on for this round. I know bruises heal though. And I know my aches and pains will go away in the next few days. It's just a matter of riding it out now, but the bad days are still bad.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Weller - the radiation oncologist. We'll get the lowdown on radiation, when it starts, when it'll end, etc. I keep assuming radiation will be much easier - I sure hope I'm right. We have sort of a rule that we only worry about one step at a time here. So the fact that we're moving on to the next step is both great, and a cause for anxiety. I'm thrilled to be moving on to the third and pretty much final step (minus the Tamoxifen). But I thought chemo was going to be a breeze, so I don't want to make that mistake again. We'll find out soon enough though what this is going to be like...
And to top it off, I have an enormous lump between my c section scar and my new hip to hip "tummy tuck" scar. I saw Dr. Griffin yesterday about it and he isn't sure if it's a hernia, or just something that happened during my recovery from the doublay. (He did have a technical term for it, but it totally went over my head and was several syllables long). Anyway, I have an appointment next week with Dr. Metkus' office to determine if it is indeed a hernia or not. If it is, we'll have to do surgery before radiation starts. If not, Dr. Griffin said he can do surgery during radiation if it's bothering me (which it is), or we can wait until sometime next year. Either way it means I'll be facing another surgery sooner than later. Of course if I have to, I have to. I clearly can't walk around with this giant bulge and/or a hernia. But the thought of another surgery so soon makes me want to cry.
Eh, I guess I should go back to our rule of taking it all one step at a time. Right now, the next step is to get through my Neupogen shot tomorrow and recovering from this round of chemo. One day at a time..it is JUNE after all!!!
Sadly, even though mentally I know I'm so close to the end, my body still has to process these chemo rounds still. I'm sore and sad and pretty miserable today. I still hate the Neupogen shots and am waiting for the last rounds bruises to heal still while adding new bruises on for this round. I know bruises heal though. And I know my aches and pains will go away in the next few days. It's just a matter of riding it out now, but the bad days are still bad.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Weller - the radiation oncologist. We'll get the lowdown on radiation, when it starts, when it'll end, etc. I keep assuming radiation will be much easier - I sure hope I'm right. We have sort of a rule that we only worry about one step at a time here. So the fact that we're moving on to the next step is both great, and a cause for anxiety. I'm thrilled to be moving on to the third and pretty much final step (minus the Tamoxifen). But I thought chemo was going to be a breeze, so I don't want to make that mistake again. We'll find out soon enough though what this is going to be like...
And to top it off, I have an enormous lump between my c section scar and my new hip to hip "tummy tuck" scar. I saw Dr. Griffin yesterday about it and he isn't sure if it's a hernia, or just something that happened during my recovery from the doublay. (He did have a technical term for it, but it totally went over my head and was several syllables long). Anyway, I have an appointment next week with Dr. Metkus' office to determine if it is indeed a hernia or not. If it is, we'll have to do surgery before radiation starts. If not, Dr. Griffin said he can do surgery during radiation if it's bothering me (which it is), or we can wait until sometime next year. Either way it means I'll be facing another surgery sooner than later. Of course if I have to, I have to. I clearly can't walk around with this giant bulge and/or a hernia. But the thought of another surgery so soon makes me want to cry.
Eh, I guess I should go back to our rule of taking it all one step at a time. Right now, the next step is to get through my Neupogen shot tomorrow and recovering from this round of chemo. One day at a time..it is JUNE after all!!!
It's like learning to walk - one step at a time. Can't run before you can walk, so take it one step at a time and see what happens. So this year will be put in the books as one of the worst yet enlightening ones. You certainly have grown as a person who can take what life has to bring her. Stay strong and you will overcome it all and it all will be over soon. Love Mama
ReplyDelete