Today is October 1. The first day of "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." I'm laying in bed on day two after chemo with mixed feelings about this day. In years past, I've posted a little quip on Facebook about getting checked early, "early detection saves lives,""feel yourself up!" etc. Today, I have a problem saying any of those things. Early detection didn't save my life. Apparently it only prolonged it. At one point in my early days of doctor appointments, I was told "You're the one we want to catch. You're the one that can be cured." Cured. Fuck that. I lay here in bed unable to hang out with my kids on a lovely weekend because I wasn't CURED. In fact, I lay here in bed because ultimately, I'm screwed. There is no cure for Stage 4. Stage 4. I started out as Stage 2A...."easily curable." But somehow the odds weren't in my favor. And I lay here crying because I don't know what I did wrong.. I don't know what this means for my kids (both with my future and with their own). I lay here crying because basically, it SUCKS. This isn't how life was supposed to be. I was supposed to be a champion for women diagnosed early. I was supposed to show them that life can go on and be lovely and amazing still. I was okay with being diagnosed once... but not twice where it is now metastatic.
But I have to be honest since this is my blog and my honest thoughts are all detailed here. My life doesn't completely suck. At all. In fact, my life is still pretty freaking great, and amazing, and I am shocked every day by something fabulous. I am still working full time and it still makes me SO happy to be there. My students are showing me so much empathy and compassion and love. They see me unable to walk on certain days and all pitch in to help me. Yet, they are still their crazy 13-14 year old selves which makes me laugh all the time. The San Bruno community has beyond blown us away with their support and love. There are texts, emails, calls, notes, little gifts left on the doorstep, food being delivered three days a week, help getting the girls where they need to be, there's my co worker who saves me the best spot in front of the handicap ramp at school every day, and my co workers who all carry my stuff to my classroom for me daily. The list goes on and on. The kindness is overwhelming and sometimes I feel undeserving.
THIS is the stuff my kids will remember and grow from. THIS is what is going to shape them into sweet, compassionate, empathetic girls. THIS is all because of the kindness of those around us, who love us and take care of us. How can life suck when you are surrounded by so much love and support? And I didn't even get into what our families do for us because, well, that would take too much time to write.
So it's October 1st...the first day of "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." What I'm aware of more than ever is my Breast Cancer has shown me what an incredible life I have and what amazing family and friends I have. Ladies, please get checked out. Most likely, if you are diagnosed early, you will be cured. I am the anomaly. Don't let my situation scare you off. There is still life after Breast Cancer.
But I have to be honest since this is my blog and my honest thoughts are all detailed here. My life doesn't completely suck. At all. In fact, my life is still pretty freaking great, and amazing, and I am shocked every day by something fabulous. I am still working full time and it still makes me SO happy to be there. My students are showing me so much empathy and compassion and love. They see me unable to walk on certain days and all pitch in to help me. Yet, they are still their crazy 13-14 year old selves which makes me laugh all the time. The San Bruno community has beyond blown us away with their support and love. There are texts, emails, calls, notes, little gifts left on the doorstep, food being delivered three days a week, help getting the girls where they need to be, there's my co worker who saves me the best spot in front of the handicap ramp at school every day, and my co workers who all carry my stuff to my classroom for me daily. The list goes on and on. The kindness is overwhelming and sometimes I feel undeserving.
THIS is the stuff my kids will remember and grow from. THIS is what is going to shape them into sweet, compassionate, empathetic girls. THIS is all because of the kindness of those around us, who love us and take care of us. How can life suck when you are surrounded by so much love and support? And I didn't even get into what our families do for us because, well, that would take too much time to write.
So it's October 1st...the first day of "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." What I'm aware of more than ever is my Breast Cancer has shown me what an incredible life I have and what amazing family and friends I have. Ladies, please get checked out. Most likely, if you are diagnosed early, you will be cured. I am the anomaly. Don't let my situation scare you off. There is still life after Breast Cancer.
Love you friend! Pedicure in Oct? I'll come your way 😘
ReplyDeleteMelissa, you are beyond amazing.
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is beautiful and inspiring. I am rooting for you. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting a d we'll keep guving you a reason to fight. Your girls are the amazing women they will become because children learn what they live! You and Matt have taught them by example --keep it up!! We've got your back!! and your parking space ready to go!
ReplyDeleteHUGS
I dreamt about you last night. Before I even read this. Maybe because I haven’t known what to say...you’ve always been so easy to approach and chat with. You still are. It’s me. Holly has the fun one liners...always envied that about her...I haven’t known what to say and for a girl who loves to hear herself it’s been troubling. You’ve so been on my mind. I dreamt I hugged you hard and I was gonna kill your cancer. I was gonna kick its ass...
ReplyDeleteYour hair was full and all around me. You had a great little dress on and a pretty Stella Dot necklace. I was so mad and you were smiling so big. You didn’t want anyone to worry or be mad. I’m mad. I’m sad. Your energy is contagious and your hellos are the best...I just haven’t known what to say and I’m sorry about that. You, Matt, the littles....you need anything you ask me. Matt’s my bud from the old neighborhood...those ties run deep. We’re here for you and your family. Always.
You are so lovable and precious, Melissa. I love and miss you.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Robert Mary
I’m a citizen of United Kingdom, My younger sister was Sicking of
breast cancer and her name is Robert Jane, I and my family have taking
her to all kind of hospital in UK still yet no good result. I decided
to go to the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I
find a lady called Sarah peter she was testifies to the world about
the goodness of a herbal man who has the root and half to cure all
kind of disease and the herbal email was there. So I decided to
contact the herbal man for my younger sister help to cure her breast
cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I
should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that
there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it
and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I
receive the cure that I am in UK, he told me
That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid
for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the
courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to,
before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a
dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very
happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5
million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my
I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now
here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any
kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact
Dr.ogididanspelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +2347067393105 for the cure, he will help you out
with the problems.