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Nerves

Here I am, so close to the halfway point, yet so nervous still for tomorrow. I can't wait to be done with the red devil, let alone this whole "experience," but yet I am more anxious about tomorrow's infusion than any other one to date. I think it's partly because I hate going from feeling so good, to so bad in just hours. I hate that when I tucked the girls into bed tonight, I thought that it will be about a week before I can kiss them goodnight and put them to bed again. My left wrist is still bruised in two spots from the failed attempts to start an IV last time...I'm certainly not looking forward to being poked and prodded again tomorrow.

I feel like these treatments are getting harder and harder on my psyche, let alone my body. Even though the reality is that each one brings me closer to the end. But no matter how much I loathe it, I know tomorrow is coming quickly. And I know that one week from today, I'll be back on the upswing and will hopefully never have to meet the Red Devil again. And that's what I need to try and focus on tonight while I lay in bed not sleeping....

Comments

  1. Sanchez FamilyApril 18, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    HOpe today went ok for you. I've been praying for you all day!! xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamaApril 19, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    It is so very normal not to want to get sick. It seems odd that you have to get sick to get well, but unfortnately with cancer that is what it is. Anyone who has been through any kind of chemo will tell you what you are feeling is quite normal. Cancer plays with every part of your being, not just physical. You will be well soon. You are half way there. Hopefully downhill the rest of the way will be easier on you. Love Mama

    ReplyDelete

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