My "Mamm"wars: Fighting to Survive Stage 4 Breast Cancer

It's been so long since I've written. Mainly because I've been too busy living my life. My AWESOME life. Just to show how incredible it is, let me recap the past year - July 2012 - I walked 39 miles with the  amazing Rack Stars team in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It was grueling, it was painful, it was the best experience of my life!! The very next day, the McNichol family hopped on a plane for Hawaii. YES, Hawaii!! Matt had promised me a trip to Hawaii when I was first diagnosed in 2010. His parents made good on that promise by taking us all last summer. The highlight of my trip was seeing Reagan surf, and taking a paddleboarding lesson. I have always wanted to paddleboard - so one more thing off the old bucket list. During my lesson I paddled over the coral break. As soon as I cleared it, an enormous sea turtle popped up in front of my board. I was terrified at first, and then regained my balance and really enjoyed the beauty of this incredible animal. It was so cool...

I haven't been writing too much this year...here. But I've been busy still. My cousin started her own blog last year. Dedicated to women who have overcome...so essentially all women, since we've all overcome something. Here are my two most recent posts published on her blog. http://www.anthemexposition.com/2012/02/series-scrambled-eggs-on-my-lovehate.html http://www.anthemexposition.com/2012/05/series-lifes-beach.html

And just like that I let out a giant sigh of relief. I also feel a little silly for the panic attacks I was having over the past week. My appointment with Dr. Adler went really well. He listened to me rattle on about my panic attacks and how I don't "really" have any aches/pains/bumps/bruises that need mentioning, except when my chest hurts because I hyperventilate about my upcoming appointments with him. He very kindly patted my knee and told me that ALL of his patients are like this. He also is compassionate enough to realize that while he is a "cancer doctor," he personally has never had cancer, so he can't simply say "don't think like that" or anything. He has NO CLUE what goes through our minds...well, that's not true. Seeing as how his patients all tell him these silly thoughts, he knows very well what we are thinking. But the point is, he's extremely compassionate about it. He doesn't dismiss the feelings of panic and fear, o...

After a long run of great times, feeling awesome, and really embracing my health...I've suddenly hit a brick wall. A funk settled over me a few days ago. I feel snippy, short tempered, and on the verge of tears at any second. I finally had a little sit down with myself and think I've figured out the culprit. I have an appointment with Dr. Adler on Tuesday. While I love Dr. Adler, he's still my oncologist. I have an oncologist and always will now. Even though I beat cancer, I can't shake him. I have no reason to believe that he'll have bad news for me. I didn't even have to have blood taken for this appointment. I'm seeing him simply to discuss how I'm feeling after having my ovaries out, and how I'm handling the Tamoxifen. The answer to both of those is a simple "great." Yet I feel the old anxiety creeping in. If I do too much and am tired by the afternoon I start thinking "It's back..." Even though I know that having a 5 an...

2012 is starting off so good. If I hadn't just finished a year of hell, I'd probably be worried right now...but I know that we deserve this. We deserve a GOOD year. I had surgery on Jan 18th...probably the LAST surgery for a very long time. Hopefully forever. I had my ovaries out (it's called an oophorectomy..which I think is a really cool word to say). I also had my reconstruction fixed (scar revision, fix the tummy tuck, and plump up the radiated breast). It's kind of cool that my rack now consists of my belly, hips and even a little of my butt! HA. Matt is currently in Monterey at CIB school (detective school). He starts his awesome new schedule on Feb 13th! While I already miss him so much, I know that in two weeks it will be so worth it. Reagan and Charlie are just as awesome as usual. Reagan still loves Kindergarten, and Charlie loves her daycare. Reagan just signed up for TBall, so soon she will be doing gymnastics, swim, and tball...not to mention her Dais...

One year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Today, we just celebrated another wonderful Christmas, we're getting ready to host a New Years party for a small group of friends (mostly new friends we met this year..proof 2011 wasn't entirely bad), and I had a really good follow up visit with Dr. Adler on Tuesday. My blood counts were all so good that I don't have to have another draw for 6 more months. Seriously... life is SO good right now. It's really hard to comprehend all that's happened in the past 365 days. It's mindblowing. Now that I'm moving past treatment and being "sick," and once again have hair a semi decent length, I've been able to finally look back at just how scary and crazy this past year was. And it's OVER! I can cry tears of joy that 2011 is OVER... We have so much to look forward to in 2012. Matt is moving to the detective unit at work,which means a Mon-Fri gig..8-5!! A normal schedule for the first time in...

I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now, but life is busy. Which is,  of course, a really good thing. A few weeks ago we celebrated Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving was especially meaningful to me seeing as how I've realized just how much I am thankful for this year. We spent a great evening with the McNichols, but poor Matt had to work. The Monday following Thanksgiving I flew to New York to visit my relatives and show them all just how well I am doing. Spending a few days with my Grandma, my aunts, uncles and cousins was one of the highlights of my year. It once again made me realize just how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life. And now I'm home, and back to the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I am so looking forward to Christmas this year. The girls are at such great ages to enjoy all of the magic of the season. Yet there is this little nagging feeling I keep getting. Exactly one year ago I was looking forward to Christmas also. We ...