And We Wait....

Tom Petty was so right, the waiting IS the hardest part. Today's scan was a much better experience than the last one was. We arrived at 8 and I had an hour to drink the disgusting gastrografin drink. It is seriously so vile, especially on an empty stomach. But if that were my biggest problem in life, I would take it... so I should just shut it and deal. I made sure I told every medical person I came in contact with that I have a power port, and funny enough, everyone said "I know, I read your file." I wonder if it says "Irritable when forced to wait three hours for no reason," in my file also.

I had big plans to  go to breakfast with Matt and get some stuff done today, but none of that happened. By the time the scan was over I had a headache, my ribs hurt, and I just wanted to crawl back in bed. I'm sure it's a combo of the lingering chemo hangover, the gross drink, and the sheer stress of the scan. But regardless, I came home and slept for the rest of the morning.

Technically I won't hear the results until next Tuesday, but I think I'm going to call Dr. Adler on Weds and see if he can give me a little heads up sooner. My chemo nurse told me that I should either call him, or not be scared if he calls me this week. They are trying to get the results to patients sooner than the 8 day waiting period I am currently in.

The fact that I potentially could be DONE with chemo is both exciting and frightening. If it's working, it's scary to move on to something else. But if it's NOT working then that is just the shits in general. Pretty much everything about this situation is the shits though. The past week has been better for me emotionally, but I still pretty much hate everything about this little situation I'm in.

Although.... I feel guilty saying that also. I've been showered with so much love and goodness the past 6 months. Last week, I was treated to a makeover at this cute little boutique in Redwood City called Pickled. Matt's cousins and aunts (after 13 years of marriage I say "my" cousins and aunts too) nominated me for a "Pink Experience" the boutique put on.  They treated another survivor and myself to a new outfit (I would wear mine every day if I could..it is SO cute), someone did our makeup, and we left with a swag bag FULL of stuff. Matt's My cousins, Jess and I had a few hours full of champagne and laughs and I made some new friends as well. The other survivor is an incredibly sweet lady who actually lives around the corner and now we're Facebook friends..so clearly our friendship is "official". And one of the women who helped host the event is also a Stage 4 "thriver." She was diagnosed 8 years ago at stage 4... and she's treated by the same oncology office as me. So we know all of the same nurses and "lingo." But most importantly for me....she gave me HOPE. She showed me that it's possible to not only live for 8 years with stage 4, but to live fully and look amazing while doing it. I feel like she was an angel that came to me when I really needed it to keep me hopeful and focused.

So I'm going to hold on to that hope and somehow make it through the next week. I'm so scared. Please let the results be good!!!!!