My "Mamm"wars: Fighting to Survive Stage 4 Breast Cancer

After all of this waiting and hoping, it turns out God and Mother Nature had other plans for us this week. Due to the horror wreaked by Hurricane Harvey, our trip to Houston has been postponed. While I am pretty bummed, and now in a tough spot concerning my treatment future, I feel like I can't really complain. The stories and photos coming out of Texas are gut wrenching. How can I possibly be upset when people are losing their possessions, homes, pets, and even their lives? My appointment will be rescheduled, hopefully for sometime really soon.  This past week I have just been getting back into the work routine. The days are long and painful, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love being back in the classroom and laughing with my students every day. In fact, I got really bummed today when I was packing up. In my head I can do this for at least another 20-25 years. This stupid cancer better not ruin my plans.  So as of now I am just in a holding pattern. I have m...

Well, the verdict is in. My cancer is officially a stubborn little bitch. The pathology hasn't changed AT ALL. It is still estrogen receptor positive. Apparently it's so stubborn and aggressive, it doesn't care that I literally shut down all of the estrogen in my body to prevent it from growing. It still managed to grow and spread. I'm not even sure I was ever "cancer free" at this point. Dr. Adler gave us his recommendation yesterday. He told us about three options, but his official preference is #1. They are: 1. Abraxane (nab-paclitaxel) - This is an IV chemo that will be administered for two weeks with the third week off. So Monday, Monday, Monday off, etc. FOREVER. Well, not forever, until it stops working, which he said will happen at some point. The side effects are neuropathy and *maybe* hair loss. He said we should hit it hard with this drug due to the liver and lung involvement. My issue with this is that it is a form of Taxol - the drug I took in...

Thursday was my first infusion of Zometa. My great friend Tricia took me down to the cancer center for the 10 am drip. Having a husband with diagnosed PTSD, words like "trigger" have become a part of our normal vocabulary. Well, I was full on triggered as I walked into the back room for the infusion. It brought me back to six years ago when I was there every two weeks for the "hard core" chemo that was going to save my life. I started to choke back tears full of bitterness and anger. I was able to handle the infusion room before because I was so SURE I was doing everything to never have to be there again. I could do it then because there was an end date in sight. But now.... well, now it's all changed. Trish and I picked out a comfy corner and continued our chatting. One of the nurses remembered me from my first go round, and knows Trish as well from the nursing world. Like all of the nurses, she is so sweet and kind that my bitterness quickly dissipated and...

It happens to me without fail. I over-worry about some things that turn out to be nothing, and I walk into other situations without a care in the world that end up being more difficult than I ever imagined. The CT Scan didn't phase me at all. Until it took 7 pokes to get a vein.  The liver biopsy had me dry heaving and freaking out all day Monday and Tuesday morning. Turns out, it was one of the easiest procedures I've ever had done. Matt and I arrived at the hospital at 8:00 sharp. I checked in and headed down to the surgery wing. They had me comfy in a room in no time, and I took a nap while we waited for the actual procedure to begin. At 9:00 I was rolled down the hall and into the room where the biopsy would be done. The two nurses were incredible at putting me at ease, and even got me some Zofran to help with the nausea. Matt was able to stay with me as long as he wanted, which was right up until when they stuck me. We both figure that after two c sections, he's seen...

I haven't blogged recently as I've been trying to wrap my head around everything that is going on, and trying to enjoy the last bit of summer fun with the family in Tahoe. I forgot how busy things get once a cancer diagnosis is made. There are calls from this doctor and that doctor, appointments made for this, that, and the other thing. There is the incessant waiting, which is by far the worst part. There are the good days, the bad days, the ugly days, and the "I'm too busy to even deal with this shit" days. But no matter what type of day it is, I force myself to do at least one thing positive towards my recovery. Okay, that's not true... MATT forces me to do at least one positive thing a day. I can confirm that if it weren't for him, some days I probably wouldn't get out of bed. I've always said he's a Pollyanna, and I am so grateful that he is my pollyanna. Something as little as forcing me to have my morning coffee outside with him as we cha...