Skip to main content

Keep on Keepin' On...



I thought that the end of radiation would be my last blog. And obviously for a while it was. But as I settle back into "normal" life, I've been feeling like something is missing. It took me a while to realize that I just miss writing. It keeps me level, and sane..it's my personal form of therapy. So I've decided to combine this blog with the one I used to write about the girls' antics.

The past 6 weeks since radiation ended has been a whirlwind. We went on our much needed and most fabulous vacation to Disneyland and Palm Springs. The girls absolutely loved Disneyland. I'm not sure I've ever seen them so excited, or having so much fun. And during our time in Palm Springs, Matt and I were once again overwhelmed by how blessed we are to have the most amazing friends in the world.

Reagan started Kindergarten in August and is loving every second of it. She's made a bunch of new friends and is learning so much. She can read more and more every week. She truly is getting to be such a big girl.

Charlie is deep in the throes of the terrible 2's. She can be a handful and headstrong, but it's nothing we can't handle! In fact, I love that she has such a strong mind and will. My girl can also be the absolute sweetest little thing in the world.

As for me...well, I'm keeping on. My skin is no longer red and peeling. My hair is growing back (even though I look like Jamie Lee Curtis right now..). And both my physical and mental scars are healing as well. I had my first 3 month post chemo check up last week. My blood counts were good for the most part. The white blood cell count was still low, and Suzanne told me that my energy level would still be low for a few more months. It helps to hear that..because when I have a day where I have no energy, I start to worry that "it's back." In my mind, if I can go go go and feel good, then I can't still be sick. I have to take a breath and realize that I'm still healing.

So I find myself in a position I've never been in now. I FINALLY get to be the stay home mom I've always wanted to be. I get to take my girls to school, swimming, soccer, gymnastics, etc. I get to cook, clean, bake and sew at my leisure. It is equally awesome, and weird. Since I was 15 I've had a paying job. I feel like I went through hell this year to get to my heaven on earth. This is truly the best time of my life right now.

Comments

  1. Sanchez FamilyOctober 17, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    Yeah! I missed you being part of my daily blog reading :) I think another great title for this post would have been, "Hell on Earth to Heaven on Earth"!

    Had so much fun the other night! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Renee RonikaOctober 21, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    This post makes me glad--for you and with you. I can't wait to read all that you'll accomplish.

    Much, much love,
    Renee

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beauty in Life and Death

This is Matt unfortunately Melissa did not get finish her last entry so I will take it from here.  I will try not to have any typos or grammatical errors.  Melissa would really not like that, but she was my official proof reader for all important documents. Melissa and I always strived to look for beauty even in the darkest of times.  It is not always easy but it is always there when you look hard enough.  Our situation the last year and half have not been ideal there were lots of tears and dark times, but the beauty was overwhelming. Whether it was a note, meal, flowers, or text a a low point or just the love we felt from family or friends.  The beauty was there.  We had so many people praying for us and for Melissa to beat cancer once and for all, but I also prayed that Melissa would be pain free and if it was God's will that she passed peacefully.  Melissa was in so much pain last year.  She did not let her slow her down but she was hurting...
8 comments
Read more

It's Baaaaaaccccckkkkk.......

6 years.... that's how long it's been since I finished with active treatment. However, I took Tamoxifen for 5 years to squash any estrogen left in my body. I recently switched over to a "tougher" aromatase inhibitor call arimidex. These drugs provided comfort and faith that I was doing everything in my power to prevent a recurrence. Guess what?! They failed me. Big time. It's back, and it's back all over. After months of hip pain that my NP chalked up repeatedly to muscle pain, she finally sent me to an orthopedist. He took X-rays and did NOT like what he saw. Additional blood work and bone scans have led to the diagnosis of cancer pretty much throughout my skeletal system. Metastases were found in the skull, scapula, multiple ribs, pelvis, both hips, and spine. Definitely NOT the news I was expecting nor wanting to hear. After an afternoon of crying and occasionally feeling like I was going to throw up, Matt and I met with Dr. Adler, my oncologist. He was...
9 comments
Read more

Through Grief comes Love

What a bittersweet summer this has been. I'm dying. There's no denying that. I get weaker every day, I rely more and more on Matt and others. I sleep in the hospice bed in the living room, and yet I am loving every minute I have with Matt, the girls, my incredible family that is traveling in from all over the country to care for me, and my super close and amazing friends here. I definitely feel LOVED. All this grief that is surrounding us seems to have a forcefield of love that is keeping it somewhat at bay. Don't get me wrong, I have a witching hour every day from about 3-6. It reminds me of when the girls were babies and they would cry every day from 5-7. Then it passes and life moves on.  From 3-6 every day I need an Ativan and a nap and to reframe my head and my soul. The reality is I really do not want this happening. For as bittersweet and as much fun and love as we are sharing, I DO NO WANT TO DIE. IT'S NOT FAIR! This week has been emotional in other ways too...
5 comments
Read more